Take a look....

This summer went by fast with summer school, first dating let downs, friends and personal problems. Although I've realized this before, the road isn't la vie en rose, it's just a constant reminder that I'm human and I can't do everything all by myself. I'm glad that I have the support of my friends and family because I know, if I didn't have the help from them, at this point I would of been an angry and depressed little girl.

Shall we start with summer school then?

Well....I know by taking two courses in summer I would lessen the course load and would give me a big advantage in the two years left in my program....although I can't help but think I wasn't able to appreciate my summer to the fullest. I know, looking back a few years from now, that I made a good decision by taking these courses.......so sue me I like to enjoy my leisure time when I had ten courses per semester! Hahaha...this school year I'll have to work my ass off to be able to afford to go to California next summer....it'll make it even sweeter...

Dating....hahaha it didn't work out for me and that left a bitter taste in my mouth. What soured even more that wretched taste was the fact that all my good and close friends managed to find partners...BOYFRIENDS!!!....and my friends are younger than me! That was a big blow to my gut and I felt worthless and furious. For a month I was bitter whenever I saw a couple and even worse when my friends would mention their story of their beginning relationship. My thoughts always strayed to sadistic fantasies of how my friends would break up in the cruelest fashion....I knew at the pit of my mind that even conjuring that kind of thought was the epitome of disgust. Then, I got tired of feeling bitter...I guess that bitterness was washed away from my body but it was a slow process. I had the help from my good friend, who by the way found a wonderful partner, made me found that "click"...and now I just feel liberated and I'm not thinking sadistic thoughts anymore! hahaha I'm at peace with that side of my life. The guy will find me or I'll find him when the time is right or spontaneously! :)

Since the time is ticking and I start school tomorrow, second year in my program, I'll just mention one last topic.

Ah....I hope it doesn't hinder me this year but I've learned over summer I've become slightly anemic. I know it's not comparable to an incurable disease or being fully anemic but it's an annoying condition that hinders much my life style. As much as I like sleeping, I don't like spending all my day in bed...and at times it's scary...why? Imagine, waking up but not able to have the power to get up, move or speak. When that happened I felt like crying till my eyes bulged out but I couldn't even cry....so I went back to sleep hoping that when I woke up once again I would be able to have strength to get up. Not to mention, feeling like your would fall over at any moment notice when you're out in the street....it's just a horrible feeling.

Ah that feels good to let it out in the open! Now I don't need to hold back.....I CAN BREATH THROUGH MY NOSE!!!! HAhaha lol

Just one more thing before I log out for tonight!

I think I've developed an unnatural liking to the Hellboy movies!!! hahaha Even though the storyline might be a bit cheesy, the graphics, costumes, makeup, setting and more are very enchanting and mesmerizing!

With every bit of fiber in my body, I'm really trying to not get pissed off and beyond. So much for my vacation.
I only have 6 week of vacation till I get back to school....problem? Yes. I 'm in summer school, but that was voluntary. I'm trying to take off as many courses possible, so I won't have ten courses per semester. It's a sound reason....but what screws my entire vacation is that I caught a cold. Now who catches a cold in summertime? Idiots do, mind you this my anger talking now. In retrospect, I'm an idiot. Although insulting oneself is not the way to go.
Now the cause for my anger is reasonable. Last time that I caught a cold was before winter break. I knew why I got sick, it was because of my poor eating habit, lack of sleep and the ton of stress that was induces on me. That caused my immunity system to get weak and resulted in me getting a "small" cold. Though, this time I have no idea why I caught a cold, I must have touched something that I shouldn't have or I've been beside someone that had a cold, but I don't have an definite answer.
Now to get to the root of my anger; the last time it took me a month and a half to get better, I spent my winter break locked up in my room doing nothing but drink water and watching tv. My worry is that It'll take me a month and a half to get better. I really don't want that...

Ah feel much better now that I written this down, I'm not as angry as before.

This past year, much has happen, good and bad....

Let's start in chronological order, shall we?

I was sick bound over my winter break because I lacked sleep and nutrition. Although, I did nurse myself back to health, though not 100%...that didn't stop me from having my first date. It was really all an accident but a happy accident. My friend was the one who initiate the first move for me really. Who could of thought that a few word by text message could make such an impact on me. Well my date was a week before Christmas, me and the guy went to the movies, we watched "I am Legend", although he didn't pay for my entry...I guess this was the part were something clicked in my head but I shrugged it off because I was a woman of my own, I can pay for my own. Anyways, he walked me back home and a small discussion ensued. I guess now I can see he was trying to tell me he didn't want a girlfriend but it wasn't very clear yet...

My second term of my program was somewhat hectic, my Argentinian friend, had announced that she was going back to her country for reason that she did not like Montreal's weather, I couldn't blame her. The weather over in Montreal is somewhat very chaotic, mostly winter than summer. I was sadden that she was leaving, she was the only one that I could speak to, with such familiarity. I guess her leaving was some kind of purpose for me. If she wouldn't have left, I wouldn't of formally met Orly. Somewhat Joy leaving made me see that she wasn't the only one in the class room.

And what about Orly? She's a very kind person, no passing judgment coming from her, she respects me and others and helped me realize something quite interesting over the second term. I told her that I went on a date with this guy and that with passing time something grew within me, this scary emotion....rejection...but not from him but from me. Every time I would think of him, I would try to push him away, albeit in my mind... she said a few things that shined a light in my situation....maybe it wasn't suppose to be...with the guy.

School in the second term was rough and smooth at the same time, I can't be any more proud then I am right now. I can proudly say I am a second year graphic designer. All that work is something that I can be proud of and will be, it got me this far and I'll keep striving until a graduate. This time I didn't fall ill, I took the time to treat myself well as much as I treated my work. Balance was the key, and balance will e the key for my success.

And then spring was in the horizon, and I had my second date with the guy. Once again we went to the movies. The interesting part was what happened after the movies. We decided to walk a bit in the streets until we began speaking of our old high school and the it lead to me asking if I could see his high school, not knowing that I might of been hinting something else without even knowing. So he showed me around and then he surprised me with a kiss. Well to say, it was quite enjoyable...but he had to ruin it by saying something inappropriate at the time. After we broke off the kiss, he told me he wasn't looking for a girlfriend and that kind of damped the mood and my view of him....Although I didn't want him to see that I was somewhat ticked of and sadden, a the same time, by what he said....so stupidly and selfishly of me decided that we should kiss some more...to tell you the truth kissing was fun...hahaha although I regret nothing.

I finished the second term smoothly with flying colors! And summer began..

I went to New York for the second time in my life but this time by car with my mother and step father. We went during fleet week and boy...can I tell you most of the marines were very, how shall I put it, delectable...HAhahaha Spent there 2 days but they were the most amazing days in my life, even if it didn't show in my face...I regret packing does shoes for walking all over New york... oh well, a valuable lesson learned! Central Park was a huge place to walk around and somehow got lost for the tiniest moment! Although the most memorable was the museum...the Met. How I was I could go back and spend a whole week there and admire the pieces of art work there.

Returned home and spent the last few days with my friends before my voluntary subscription to summer class began. Although it never occurred to me that those few last days of my vacation, something dramatic would happen to me, indirectly. The one that must of suffered the big emotional impact would be my friend. The day before, me and my friend were suppose to subscribe ourselves to summer courses, the friend in question went....

Now take it like this, I'm calling my friend many times in the day trying to find out if we were still up for dinner at the snazzy Asian restaurant with tatami mats.She wasn't calling back or pick up my calls and I must of guessed she must of forgotten but in reality I was beginning to worry. In that time, I knew something was wrong. It wasn't until late at night, 12 o'clock, my cell phone would ring. It was her ring tone, unmistakably "Mondotek - Alive" song snippet, and I picked up, but at the other end of the line wasn't my friend, it was a man. He identified himself as an officer. Now when that word came out of his mouth, the bells in my head would start ringing furiously. And then the next few words that he said to me shatters the ground that I was standing on. To be told that your friend went missing is something that nobody wants to hear. That sentences was ringing in my head that it made me deaf...whatever the officer was saying to me, I couldn't comprehend them at all. I went to sleep crying in fear for my friend.

The next day I was still in shock, but I marched on in my day without breaking into a sob. I tried looking for her in places she might have been but my small search went inconclusive. I just had to wait patiently for the call. Two days have passed and and I decided to call her house hopping to hear from her mother. She answered and she delivered the news. She was in the hospital... after I hung up. I cried in joy, never in my life did I cry in joy...it was gratifying.

I know that all what happens to me is something that I take in strides and take in what I can learn from it. They may not be the greatest drama but they are my personal dramatic situations and I take what can learn from them...
Hopefully what I learn, what I take in will make me grow into something better...no, no, I know they will make me grow into something better...

really I didn't intend it to be this dramatic my post....now I just feel cheesy...LOL

Who's birthday is it today? hahaha No one's going to read this but it's my birthday! hahaha Now I just have to save up money to go to Las Vegas next summer, can't wait!

A lot has happen since my last post.....When I'll have the time I'll unload a year's worth of juicy detail, or as juicy as they get.

There's still one week left till I finally complete my first year in graphic design. I only hope I'll get to move to the second year.

Anyways, it's refreshing to just write what I'm thinking, all I've been doing since my last post was keep it inside. I'm just surprised I didn't explode into depression, rage or lunacy! hahaha

Until the next post,
au revoir!

Didn't update in a while and that's because I just started school 3 weeks ago. Hmm, you what's funny? I have 10 courses, that means I will soon have no social life, lol. The homework is soon going to pile up and then I won't have time to do nothing. I've been telling everyone that, I wonder why? lol I think I'm just trying to cope that it's not all that bad, I'll just have less time to do what I usually did.

Ah! A new season of avatar is coming up in a week, I can't wait! And in the spirit of a new season I'll enter the Propaganda for the Fire Nation Contest, on ASN. :D I haven't started yet but I do have a vague idea of what I want to draw...though it's a bit of a doozy. I can't come up with a not so corny slogan for the propaganda, dah my brain is not made to do a snappy slogan. XP

Anyways....

Oh


Today was the one year commemoration of the Dawson shooting. I wasn't there at the time it happened but yea I could feel the bit of tension in the atmosphere of Dawson, before the ceremony. Lots of classes got canceled so I just ended up having one course today. Hmm I got interviewed, though I had nothing to say cuz I wasn't there when it happened. Oh well. I should of brought my camera, the way people were working the atmosphere it was,somewhat, peaceful, once the ceremony was over. Hmm well this day was interesting, to say the least! :)

Last Monday was a whirlwind, It started as a slow day and then I met up with a friend. I guess she pushed me to confess to the guy I liked. Well it was about time though...

Really, I wouldn't of confessed my adoration towards him because of past horrible events but I had to get over the fear of ever making the first step into this type of field. So I confessed to the guy last Monday and he rejected me. This is far from being a rant towards the guy. How can I do that, when he didn't do it in a fashion that hurt me. It pale in comparison to the past guys that have hurt me. This guy was sweet and not an arrogant bastards like the others. Ah, I'm not saying that this rejection was sweet but more comforting then the others. I guess he made me realize that I'm not a small child. I can venture in the field of love and take matter in my own hands. That was kinda profound.....lol but now I can be a bit more free in this. I guess little by little I'll overcome my timidness. I can now say I'm shedding the layers of bashfulness that have kept me from doing anything. I'm glad.

On a second note, last Wednesday, there was an earthquake in Peru. If I can recall it was even bigger then the one of '70. I have family there and even if I don't express it physically, I am scared for there safety. Though the called the next day tellings us about there whereabouts and I'm glad to hear that they weren't injured.

Hopefully there won't be anymore big scale earthquake anytime soon.

On a different subject, this Wednesday, I'm starting school again. I'm finally attending my program, but I'm a bit intimidated. In my first semester, I start out with 10 courses! I'll have no social life!!...Ah, what can I do. lol I have to be more responsible, because there is no more room for procrastination in these next 3 years. On the other hand I'll be doing something that I love. Ah, I can't wait till I finish my program, that way I can finally start finding a stable job and start doing what I wanted for so long! Hopefully I'll be in the movie industry! Anyways I can't start blabbering about the future. Ah...no rest for me until the next 3years, but it'll be worth it. I'm happy, that's all I can say.

Today has been uneventful and the heat still keeps persisting....WHY WONT IT STOP!?!?!? lol I'm going crazy with the heat. I'm sweating even when I'm not even moving! >:0 Oh well, one thing that can come out good out of this. Me tanning! LOL I'm such an idiot, though I hope I tan a bit and not like burnt toast! Though, right now, it started to rain....and HARD! AND it's still very hot! How is that possible? AND!!! The outside has taken a shade of unnatural dark yellow. I wish my camera was working that way I can share the abnormal yellow that has taken outside. Anyways, I have to meet a friend in a few and I have to walk in the pouring rain...:/ lol oh well, it will cool me off. :P
P.s. I write useless stuff....but it's fun! 8D LOL

OMG!?!?!?!?! The heat is unbearable outside, it's been like this all week!!! Last week was rainy and this one is way to humid and hot! Why can't we get in between those two extremes? :( It's asking much,I know, but it wouldn't hurt to have one nice bearable day!! Plus I work practically in the kitchen in my work!!!! I can handle the heat outside but I have to also handle the heat from the inside? WTF?!?!?! >:0 //rant,rant// :P lol Besides ranting about the weather and the location I work in, I got a pretty good tip today, so that makes up for the horrible things of today....LOL I'm pleased way to easily....lol :P and I'm clubbing this Sat.!! So I finally get to dance this week!!! Can't wait!.....really, I please to easily...lol :P

I feel accomplished some how...I don't know why but it feels very good. :) I can finally say I'm not shy as I use to be and it feels refreshing! It may not be a turning point(it's far from being a turning point, I'll laugh if it is...lol) but if I were 11 again and looked at myself now, I wouldn't recognize myself. I don't know why I had to mention this but I guess with all the changes my friends are going through and the plans they have set out for themselves, I couldn't stop reflecting the changes I went through and the plans I set for myself.

well that's all I had to mention....lol
this felt very cheesy to write but yea....:)